i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
