Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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