After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
