Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
