I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
