I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
