totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my shit smells like andre
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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