If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We had sex on a dog bed..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
