My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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