Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
