Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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