I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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