Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
