I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
