apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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