My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
