i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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