Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
