i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
