If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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