fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
