You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo