Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
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I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.