I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY