You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
