so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.