i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
