i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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