The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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