Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
