From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
