She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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