Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
