dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
