I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
