it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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