The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
