Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
