PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
