Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
