im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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