your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize