five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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