so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Can Purell be used as lube?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
