sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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