Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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