I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
