PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
