Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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