Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
