I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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