My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
