so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
