Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
