Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
