Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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