My first STD was from a foam party
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
