I wish I could teleport
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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