from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
