how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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