he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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