so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
