Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
