I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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