so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
