what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
