cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
