I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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