Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need a beard to bite.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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