In America we eat man semen.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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