If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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