I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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