Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
