Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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