i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
