Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
