I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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