Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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