I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
