if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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