one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
