If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
