I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
