I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
