I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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